Hello Everyone,
Welcome back to another Nanabuns blog post. I want to try something different this time. The intent of the Princess Nanabuns blog was to bring a little bit of sunshine to people's lives. I do realize, however, that life is not always rainbows and bunnies (sadly :(). So, to keep things a bit more real, I plan to post some occasional Notes from Nana. These notes will be little stories filled with life lessons I've learned whether it be current or old. Life may be fleeting, but it can teach us so many things if we just stop to listen.
The first story I want to share is about change. Recently I've gone through a series of changes in my life, including my job, finances, marriage, and social life. The best way to describe my feelings during this transition was lost.
After 25 years of living, on and off, I've established a sort of comfort level. Like many people, I stuck with what I was good at and did what would help me get through life. However, that comfort was soon disrupted by something phenomenal. That phenomenon was a calling. If you've ever experienced a calling, you know that it is such a strong feeling that no matter how hard or how many times you try to fight it, it just won't go away. You can't stop thinking about it.
Unfortunately for me, it took a while to come to grasp with this. During this time, I had just moved to a different city, managed a completely different department, and was living an entirely different lifestyle. Things just kept happening one by one, and it became hard to keep track of anything. I later lost someone I loved very much just a week before my wedding. That was my breaking point.
Before her passing, my grandma told me that she wanted me to be happy. That was the last real conversation we had together. I realized then that no, I wasn't happy. When I questioned it further, I realized a big part of it was that I wasn't living. I was alive but didn't have a life outside of work. I couldn't even find time to visit my grandma. So, I did the one thing I absolutely did not want to. I quit my job.
I didn't have a backup plan, and a lot of people weren't happy with my decision. I ended up job-hopping and even tried freelancing. Money wasn't the greatest, but I knew I couldn't turn back. I didn't want to either.
I started to feel like a stranger to myself. It was as if I was watching another person who was supposed to be me living my life. Looking at my reflection, I didn't know who I was. I would frequently stare at my hands and wonder if they were really mine. I would say something and then question why I had said it.
It was the strangest feeling. I later learned that I was going through an identity crisis: a common condition caused in people who have either gone through a significant amount of change, whether it be overtime or through a traumatic event. The stress becomes so much for the person that they physically and mentally detach themselves from their own identity. At this time, the only thing that kept me going was a little voice that constantly reminded me of my purpose. I nicknamed it, God's promise.
As time went on, my condition did improve. I quickly found that praying, meditating, and working out were great ways to keep me grounded. It wasn't the greatest feeling at first, knowing that I was depressed and broke. But over time, I accepted it with a positive mindset. After all, life could only get better.
To say that I have realized my calling now would be a lie. It is still much too early. However, I have learned to become comfortable in an environment that keeps evolving. I already know that many changes are coming my way this 2020, including the unfolding of this blog. There are so many things that I can't wait to share with you all.
For those of you who are experiencing something similar, I hope this post serves as a gentle reminder that change doesn't have to be scary. In fact, if you know in your heart that what you're doing is right, then embrace it. The more incredible it is, the more time it will take to get there. Remember that a little progress each day adds up to big results. The day you plant the seed is not the day you eat the fruit.
Let us welcome 2020 with open arms. This year will be full of changes and surprises as each day we progress closer to a beautiful, silly thing called happiness.
With Love,
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